just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
