guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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