omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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