She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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