i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
