i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
