Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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