I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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