need another drink. this is the easiest way
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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