I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if only i could text you this smell
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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