i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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