Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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