Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
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its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
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We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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