Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
