Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
