i think my mom watched the whole time
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
