All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
