i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
