I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
