pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
