she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
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he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
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I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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