I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize