I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
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I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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