Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i came on her dog
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You ate ashes out of my bong
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
