Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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