drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
