You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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