i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
