i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
