the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
