3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
When are your genitals available?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
