tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
