his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
