Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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