tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
