we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
