Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
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You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
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Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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