dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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