they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
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VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
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You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.