i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together