life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.