you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
