If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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