do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so let's talk penis.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
