I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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