u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
