i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
