I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
