he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
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I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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