once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
