So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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