Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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