I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
