My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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