STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
