My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
