It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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