after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
