Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize