Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
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I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
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Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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