I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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