She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
