after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
