So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
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when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
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i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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