i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
